April Avenue

This is without doubt my favorate time of year. I love the wind and the leaves and everything else that is so beautiful. I hope all thanksgivings were wonderfull. mine was good though a bit dull, but dull is better than trumatic so it was all good. I did miss my brother worse than ever but in three weeks he will be here to stay for christmas so I look forward to that so much. I have been thinking so much about how much I love my family and I realized something, no matter what they have done to me in the past or how they have hurt me or I have hurt them I love them still no matter what happens I will always love them. It's crazy to think that God feels that way about us, that no matter how bad we hurt him he will always be there ready to love us a soon as we let him. I know all of us have problems with family and some of those seem impossible to work through. But even if it's not something huge and impossible but something little and annoying or even big and frusterating, we have to remember that our family is a gift. something God gave us to be a part of. I know he can help us to forgive     

 

be blessed

 

April

Here is my most recent effort, it's about trying to change yourself but not allowing God to do his work.

 

 

Dirty

 

 

scour away all imperfections
drown it all in bubbly seas
dealing with my many issues
with steel wool and mr clean

 

but some how I scrub forever
the problems marr me still
frusterated I claw at myself
tearing flesh to reach the sin  

 

I sit here bleeding lost in rage
 sponge forgotton along with pain
and still I have these many faults
despite how i try to clean them off

 

 

 

 

Be blessed

 

April

It has been too long since I have been here and I am sorry to every one who has come and seen the same entry over and over again. Once again I am in turmoil of soul, :) that sounds so much better than Im upset doesn't it. I am again realizing that I can't just go out and exist on my own and that the sooner I just let things go and let God work in me the better off I will be. Anyways on with my life, My brother in the airforce is going to be able to come for christmas!!!! I am so excited because I haven't seen him in months and I miss him more than anything else right now. We have very similar personalitys and so we always bounce off of each other and get hyper and happy when together and I am looking forward to that. I am also looking forward to december because that's when eggnog returns to our stores shelf and i can once again drink it till i am sick, who in the world decided just to sell eggnog at christmas time it's a sin, and homade doesn't taste the same either so i have to wait. on a more meaningfull note I am coming to the most amazing realizations about God right now and it is "it's hard to praise when your hands are tied" and I keep seeing all the things I have allowed take over me and my life Anger, unforgiveness, pride, and it's awesome to be coming to freedom from all of that. I need to post some of my new poetry here and get you guys opinions so I will do that soon

 

Be blessed

 

 

April

Sorry it's been so long. life takes so many strange twists and it's hard not to get dizzy sometimes. I have thought so much about what i want to do after high school and graduation but i really don't know. this is something where i can't feel God leading me in any specific direction and though i know there is plenty of time for some reason it still bugs me a bit. I guess it's because ever since i was little i have always known what i wanted to do. when i was four i wanted to be the president. that didn't last too long but at least i was thinking big. then later i wanted to be a chemist but only because i liked exploding things. that didn't last either. on and on through the years i have always known but now it's like all ambition has left me and i am left wondering whats next. this is one of those times i guess when trust becomes a factor and we have to realise that no matter what we do to resist it or bring it or whatever Gods will is going to happen in his timing. I just wish i could keep this in my mind more often. sometimes I wonder why God doesn't get tired of me. I always mess everything up and then come crawling back I think thats the greatest atribiute of God that i know of, his love that is there even when we tell him it's not, even we cannot love ourselves. 

 

 

Be blessed

 

 

April  

man this week has been heck, I am hoping and praying that tommorow is better than today. it's not that anything that bad has happened it's just been a very on edge week I am not sure why something in the air i guess. I have been htinking and tell me if i am just way off line because i could easily be but i was thinking if the original sin of adam and eve was not just disobedience but perhaps taking on themselves the knowledge of good and evil something God did not intend for them or us to have. if thats the case then perhaps because Jesus takes all sin from us then if we allow him to he could take that ever present knowledge. like for instance instead of seeing the pushy mean person in the grocery store you look at them and all you can see is Gods love around them. or when you see some one in sin instead of the natural judgement of them perhaps feeling Gods sorrow at them forgetting him. it''s like think of the knowledge of good and evil as like the abililty to judge between bad and good but weren't we told not to judge ever and to leave it to God? what if we chose to walk in his wisdom to where we let him lead us and not our judgement. i don't know just something i have been thinking about. a word of encouragement to everyone read eph 3 vers 9-23 it's wonderfull and reminds us  exactly how much love God has for us.

 

be blessed

 

April